Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
