How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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