i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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