I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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