i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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