why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
