So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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