I seem to have left my pride at pride
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
