is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
