dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
