It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
