my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
