Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize