I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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