Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
