Can i not drive my cunt home
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
