he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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