i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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