Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
