I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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