My friends, they love my intelligence
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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