Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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