He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you never un-have a 4some
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
