i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im six kinds of drunk right now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
