this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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