Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
