Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
