he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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