It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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