Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
