Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
