Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I looked at my own cervix.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
