my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
