Will you blow on my dice?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize