Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
