margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
