You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
