You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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