You just made me feel so damn special
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
