i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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