Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
