My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
