Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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