even my farts smell like vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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