Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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