I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
