Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
