I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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