New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
