a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize