Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
