I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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