Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
