he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize