I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
