So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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