You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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