Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
