Your tits are I can't wait for
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
