I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She's not a foreskin expert like you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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