our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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