I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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