one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
