Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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