idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
