I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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