smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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