I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
