JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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