i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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