I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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