i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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