R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
