I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
