Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
