I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my poor anus
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize