Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
