It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
