I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
