If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize