i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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