I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
