It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize